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Friday, April 1, 2011

Jagex Trolls

Here's the full transcript of Jagex' fake, April Fool's Behind the Scenes. The fake was removed and the real one was posted in the afternoon.

"April has always been an unpredictable month, particularly in the United Kingdom, with sunlight shifting to rain and then back again in a matter of minutes. It seems only suitable, then, that April takes an unpredictable turn with our first rhythm action music game, unlikely Hunter targets, an update to a popular but rather old quest, and some bloodthirsty familiars.

TzHaar Hero:

The TzHaar, self-proclaimed Monsters of Rock, will be taking the natural next step from theatre to rock ‘n’ roll in our latest distraction and diversion! Smith a rune ‘axe’ in the lava forge, string it with the beard-hair of an imcando dwarf, and perform some fiery licks with TzTok-El-Slash! Activate TzHaar Power to earn extra points and play solos so hot even carbonite couldn’t freeze them!

The latest diversion takes a similar form to the circus, allowing you to ‘rock around the clock’ once a week and earn a batch of Agility, Magic, Prayer and Slayer XP. You will need to have completed TokTz-Ket-Dill to play this diversion. Tracklisting includes Magma Mae, Is This The Way To Armadillo?, Gielinor Rigby, Great Capes of Fire and I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do Jad).

Werewolf and Vampire Hunting:

We have two Van Helpings of Hunter updates this month, as we take the Hunter skill into Morytania. These updates will be high level (78 and 86 Hunter respectively) but will deliver rewards that make you the very pinnacle of fashion.

Wander about Morytania and you’ll find that the ghouls have twisted swamp reeds into shapes that look remarkably like kennels. Using a ‘moon on a stick’ item, you’ll be able to lure werewolves into the kennel traps and leave them there until they get tired of struggling. Domesticate them and you will be able to carry them in your bag and dress them in a selection of hats. Canifis? Yes you can!

It’s possible to spot the twinkling of vampires in the underbrush of Morytania this month. Lure them out with longing looks and a tin of swamp gel and you’ll be able to catch them before they skulk away. Train these beasts to be used in PvP combat, activate their combat buff(y)s and watch them twi-fight from all three corners of the love triangle. Team Drakan!

Gertrude’s Cataclysm:

At RuneScape, we’re asked one question more than any other: what was Gertrude’s cat doing in the Lumber Yard in the Gertrude’s Cat quest? Well, ask no more! Gertrude’s cat will be producing a litter so big that it literally topples buildings and lays waste to Varrock in this month’s quest! Your Summoning and Hunter skills will be called into question as you gather the cats by their neck and tempt them back to Gertrude’s house with doogle leaves.

This cat-based apocalypse also allows us to rethink the starting experience of RuneScape, adding an extra degree of danger and excitement to the tutorial and first hours of gameplay. Sir Vant will now face a giant cat called Deathpaw, while the Blood Pact will be revamped to become Tigerblood Pact. You will also find that, rather than a flashing hint arrow, a ball of string will lead you from Task to Task. Don’t want to see so many cats? Activate your cat filter.

Little Pwny Unicorns:

This month we introduce little pwny unicorns, summoning familiars that are as deadly as they are wuvverly. High level summoners will be able to create these adorable little unicorns in the magical realm of Sparklesky, left of Taverley, using a mixture of sugar charms, spice shards and bloody unicorn parts.

Wrap your eyes around these: Cherryboom (level 93 Summoning) is a sweet little brown unicorn that packs an explosive smile and eyelashes that can cut through corporeal beasts. Pinky Power (level 99 Summoning) is pink, has wings – making it a pegacorn - and can decapitate a clan with one swish of its sharpened sequin tail.

In Other News:

The Jagex Store is being stocked with action figures this month, in the form of Gower Rangers. Each of these mighty morphing models comes with pet cabbage, horses and a can of tuna.

If you find Clan Wars games occasionally tame and uninspiring, we will be adding chompies and jubblies to the catapult area. Fire these agitated birds to see if you can hit Pigzilla in Draynor Market and contribute to your team’s score.

Sailing.

Due to an editing error, the ‘wear’ option on party hats will no longer be the default option. Be careful when donning one, as we have corrected it to the intended ‘tear’ left-click option, for those who need to clear inventory space for ranaar.

We will be fixing the clipping issues on the Emperor’s New Clothes gear that was released with last week’s update.

Appryfooz, Brother of Zimberfizz
Head of April Fools

**(We wish you the very best this April Fools, and you can expect the real Behind the Scenes later on today! Promise!)**"

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